COMPONENTS
OF SOCIAL BEHAVIOUR
When
we relate to others, what we communicate does not only come from the
words that we use. Imagine that a work colleague replies to us in the
following way, after asking him for help:
“I
can't right now, wait a moment".
Our
reaction will be very different if these words are said shouting, with
abrupt hand movements and with an angry look, or if they are said in
a calm voice, with a smile, and whilst we slightly touch our colleague's
shoulder.
If
we put ourselves in the speaker's position, I am sure you can remember
a time when what you have said has not been received very well, although
the contents has seemed ok to you; perhaps these non verbal elements
did the communicating for us.
We
can conceptualize social skills in two ways:
In a global or molar way: from this point of view you can consider
behaviour in a general way; you can talk about the skill of asking
someone for a favour, starting and maintaining a conversation, rejecting
a request....
In a molecular way: this point of view allows you to "thoroughly
analyze" the behaviour of different compenents; for example,
asking for a favour means you have to use a series of words like "Can
I ask you a favour?", with a determined tone of voice (you don't
usually shout a favour) looking at your listener in the eyes, and
looking for the most adequate moment, to have more probability that
they will listen to us.
When we want to improve our social skills what we should do is analyze
these components so that we can improve them; doing things this way
will make it easier to change our own behaviour.
Concentrating
on specific aspects and not just general ones.
Think for
a moment about the person who is your objective "I need to appear
more confident when I speek to my boss".
You will
have more possibilities of success if you analyze your behavioural components
"to be more confident". This means speaking with a firmer
tone of voice, looking at your listener in the eyes, getting straight
to the point, etc. It will be easier if you concentrate on one element
at a time ..."Today I am going to look at my boss in the yes when
I talk to him".
The components
of social skills are:
Verbal Components: they refer to the contents of the conversation,
which is the tool that people generally use to relate to others.
Paralinguistic Components: under this catagergory we include things
like tone of voice, fluidity, the speed we talk at, all of which adapt
to the contents.
Non verbal components: varibales like facial expressions, the way
we look, gestures, interpersonal distance...all communicate things
themselves, and at the same time change and/or clarify the contents
of the message.