Now
we are going to look at different molecular non verbal communication
components in detail, with the objective of being more conscious of
their communicative importance and therefore to be able to work on them
to control them in the best way possible:
•
Way we look at people
•
Facial expressions
•
Smile
•
Posture/direction of our body
•
Gestures
•
Interpersonal distance
•
Physical contact
•
Personal appearance
THE
WAY WE LOOK AT PEOPLE
Various
studies prove the fact that socially competent people usually look at
the upper part of the speaker's face, including the eyes. People that
look more, cause a greater communicative response in others.
Generally
the person that is listening looks more (74% of the time) than the person
who is speaking (40%) this is because the look accompanies the speech;
therefore a pause in our monologue can be accompanied by temporarily
looking away. In situations when we are talking to more than one person,
we should try and look at everyone.
When
we are listening, not looking can be interpreted as lack of interest,
distraction, rushing...In general, it is an invitation for someone to
stop speaking.
Making
sure you have eye contact as itis very important and satisfactory in
the majority of cases. The duration of the contact will depend on other
variables, like the relationship which exists between the people. People
in love will look more into each others eyes than work colleagues, for
example.
The
"look" says alot about people's feelings and attitudes. Looking
someone intensly in the eyes for a prolonged period of time can be interpreted
in some ocassions as a sign of hostility. On the contrary, avoiding
looking someone in the eyes can be interpreted as a sign of sadness,
embarassement, shyness, lack of confidence....
In
general, human beings use, consciously or unconsciously, the communicative
resource of the look when:
•
We are interested in the way the speaker reacts,
his opinion, his emotions, his reactions, etc.
•
We are interested in the other person, we like them and we feel attracted
to him.
•
We have superior status; in this case bosses usually look more into
their subordinates eyes, than into the eyes of someone more superior.
•
We are extraverts
•
We are listening
•
We belong to a culture that likes visual contact
•
We are positioned far away from the other person.
•
We feel the need to be accepted
It
is less probable that we look into our listener's eyes when:
•
The physical distance with the other person
is not very far
•
We speak about topics that are difficult for us or which are very
intimate.
•
We are not interested in the other person or we don't really like
them.
•
We are introverts.
•
We feel confused, sad, embarassed or inferior to the other person.
•
We want to hide something
•
We belong to a culture that punishes you if you look someone in the
eyes.
•
We are not interested in being accepted by the other person.
These
variables should not be understood as the cause of the look or the absence
of it; as we have previously mentioned social behaviour is situational;
and in every situation many external and internal variables interact,
to create determined behaviour; it is therefore the combination of varibales
that determines the final result, and in this case, the fact of looking
more or less.
To
know these generalities about the look we can analyze our own behaviour
and try to improve those aspects that improve our social competence;
for example, if we want to communicate with someone that we are interested
in, look him in the eyes during a conversation this will help you get
used to it.
