STAGES
TO ACHIEVE CHANGES IN OUR SOCIAL COMPETENCE
We
change our behaviour according to who we are with because of the following
fundamental reasons:
•
We have a solid system of beliefs in which we take into account
our own and other people's personal rights. The global philosophy
which groups together everyone's rights, is not to harm anyone unnecessarily
and try to favour self understanding and try to understand others.
One
of the basic rights that a person has is the right to have one's own
opinions and be able to express them, or the right to be listened to
and taken seriously. Later I will give you a list of our main basic
rights.
External
behaviour, should match the way we think in order to avoid discord.
Therefore, for example, we will be more effective rejecting a request
if we are convinced that we have the right to reject any type of request
and that in doing so we don't feel guilty or selfish.
•
Learn how to differentiate between socially
skilled behaviour and behaviour which is not socially skilled, e.g.
learn the difference between assertive, passive and agressive behaviour.
Social behaviour can be clasified, using these three categories. The
best way to behave in the majority of cases is being assertive, as
this type of behaviour usually achieves objectives that you have proposed
respecting other people's rights. We will go into this later in more
detail.
With
certain situations which you find difficult to confront, you should
change your way of thinking and your level of anxiety. Sometimes, problems
will arise from determined situations because not only do we lack social
competence but also thoughts linked to anxiety which usually surge in
the moment we have to act.
Thoughts
like "He's not listening to me", "He doesn't care what
I think", "Everyone's going to laugh at me when I say what
I think", can make us seize up thus increasing out level of anxiety
and/or decreasing out motivation.
Practice new socially adequate ways of behaving and think about how you
can socially interact in certain situations. Learning to drive requires,
once you have some basic knowledge, sitting in the car and driving,
first our teacher helps us then we drive on our own. The same thing
happens when we want to behave in an assertive way: we should practice
how to do it and receive feedback on how we have done it. Later in the
course, we will see suggestions on how to practice how to behave.
