PASSIVE
OR INHIBITED STYLE
Non
verbal behaviour is characterized by:
•
When someone doesn't look you in the face
•
Speaking quietly
•
Hesitation
•
Signs of insecurity or anxiety (biting nails, playing with objects,
irritated hands...)
•
False laugh
•
Body posture "sunk" (shoulders down, head slightly down
and to one side, curved spine)
The
verbal behaviour presents the following content:
•
Perhaps..., I suppose..., I ask myself if it would be possible...,
would you mind...?, would it be a problem if you...? ok, don't worry,
it wasn't very important...
Behaving
in a passive way has only a few benefits in the short term. You don't
have to be involved in socially aversive situations. Lets analyze the
following situation:
A
married couple have had various arguments about sharing the housework;
once the storm has settled she tries to bring the topic up again:
•
Wife: Darling, I am really tired. Seriously, I would like you to help
me with the children in the evenings; you know, bath them, help them
finish their homework...
•
Husband: You are always saying the same. I'm also tired. I must remind
you that I finish work later than you.
•
Wife: (Lowering her voice) Yes...It's true, you are tired.
•
Husband: I don't understand you. You are always complaining, but everything
works fine; the children go to bed on time, the dinner is always ready....Sometimes
I think you bring this topic up just to have an argument.
•
Wife: No, No! I don't want to argue. It's just that it's really difficult
for me to do everything
•
Husband: You don't want to argue? Doesn't seem that way! Let's see
if we can clear up this situation. Being tired is not an excuse. I
am also tired at night and I make an effort to talk to you at dinner.
•
Wife: No, please, don't worry about it, don't get angry. I suppose
it's nothing.
•
Husband: It's difficult not to get annoyed
•
Wife: Sorry, lets not ruin the evening with things that aren't that
important. Come on lets eat.
The
man's wife has avoided the argument going any further; and this without
a doubt has relieved her. But in the long term, the problem is still
there, even though in the short term, she is avoiding a small problem
and she is momentarily relieving her anxiety.
In
general, inhibited behaviour has negative consequences:
•
It decreases the possibility for these people to achieve their proposed
objectives and satisfy their own needs.
•
Feelings that are not understood appear, they feel manipulated, that
they don't have control over their own life.
•
Other people don't really pay that much attention to inhibited people.
•
The person suffers feelings of dissatisfaction, anxiety and depression.
•
Low self esteem.
•
Bursting with anger at the fact that they never resolve situations.
•
When they don't express their thoughts clearly, others might find
it difficult to listen to them, knowing how they feel, etc. Therefore,
social relationships with others can deteriorate.
