AGGRESSIVE
STYLE
Non
verbal behaviour
when answering people, is characterized by:
Looking someone straight into the eyes for an excessive amount of
time.
An elevated tone of voice
Speaking quickly
Threatening gestures, cold gestures or showing superiority (arms crossed,
arms akimbo, hands on hips, head back...)
Verbal
behaviour usually
contains expressions such as:
“You would do it better in..”, “Do it”, “Be careful”, “You haven't
got a clue”, “You must be joking”…
As
with restrained behaviour, agressive behaviour also has some benefits
in the short term; firstly, behaving in an agressive way supposes an
expression and emotional liberation, which is quite re-inforcing. Besides,
the person can feel momentary power, as it is probable that the rest
feel intimidated when faced with agressive behaviour. But, perhaps the
greatest reward is to achieve the proposed objectives. Think about the
following situation:
“At
a free concert celebrated in the main town square, those attending quickly
try to grab a seat as it is clear that there are not enough seats for
everyone. One of the ladies attending reserves a seat for her friend,
who is still a few metres away. Along comes another person who sits
directly on the chair which this lady has reserved. Instead of asking
the person to leave the lady shouts: "Oh my! I can't believe it!
I was here first! I'm not leaving my chair, it's not my problem!"
This person has behaved agressively and it is possible that this person
remains seated in the chair because everybody gets embarassed at being
the centre of attention".
It
is true to say that, in general, people that maintain agressive behaviour
for a prolonged period of time suffer the following negative consequences:
They feel resent, distrust and anxiety towards people around them.
Usually family members, friends and work colleagues try and avoid
people with agressive behaviour in certain situations.
Tension appears in interpersonal relationships therefore causing distant
and unsatisfactory relationships.
Feeling the blame after being conscious that you have overwhelmed
everyone.
Low self esteem.
Feeling lonely
In the long term, you stop reaching targets, due to your poor social
relationships.
You find people challenge you; others opt to also respond in a negative
way. This can cause a "surge of violence".
To
exemplify the disadvantages of aggressive behaviour, let's analyze the
following situation:
Carlos
and Luis are two friends that have met up to have dinner in a restaurant.
Carlos arrives late, and Luis has to wait half an hour for him to
turn up.
CARLOS: I'm sorry, it's just that...
LUIS: (Shouting) It's incredible. You're late again. I'm not going
to want to meet up with you again!
CARLOS: Hey, I'm sorry, let me tell you what happened
LUIS: I don't need you to tell me; you should have called me before
and told me what had happened.
CARLOS: No, I didn't call you, it's true; but...
LUIS: (Shouting again) No, you don't have an excuse! I have got lots
of things to do, a lot more important than what you have got to do,
you are on holiday after all.
CARLOS: Hey, don't exaggerate.
LUIS: I'm not exaggerating, you've gone too far. Don't think about
doing it again.
CARLOS: I'm off. I'm not having dinner with you. I think you are really
bitter. When you calm down, call me. Goodbye.
It's
clear that Luis has suffered because of Carlos's behaviour; he has wasted
his time and he has been alone in a public place, which can sometimes
be very uncomfortable. But, he didn't give his friend the chance to
explain what had happened, to know the motives why Carlos had arrived
late. Besides, he claimed his needs were more important than Carlos's,
saying that his time is more important, as Carlos is on holiday. In
the short term, Luis is going to have dinner alone and in the future,
if he wants to maintian his friendship with Carlos he will have to make
an effort to make it happen.