EXAMPLES
OF ASSERTIVE BEHAVIOUR
Let's
look at some examples of assertive behaviour:
“We
have bought a suit in a clothes shop which has a dressmaking service,
which is charged apart; when we try the suit on, we tell the shop
assistant what we would like done. When we go to pick the suit up,
the shop assistant has already wrapped the suit up and it doesn't
seem like she is going to give us the option of trying it on, therefore
we establish the following dialogue:
•
CLIENT: Excuse me, before buying this suit, I would like to try it
on.
•
SHOP ASSISTANT: I don't think it's necessary, our dress maker doesn't
usually make any mistakes.
•
CLIENT: I don't doubt your dress maker, but I would be happier if
I could try it on.
(After
trying the suit on, the client realizes that one of the things he
wanted repaired has not been repaired as agreed):
•
CLIENT: Look, the length of the trousers is not how I wanted them.
Could you possibly re-take my measurements to repair them?
•
SHOP ASSISTANT:Are you sure? The length is exactly how you wanted
it the last time. I told you our dress maker doesn't make mistakes.
•
CLIENT: I don't think the length is what we agreed previously. Of
course, there may have been a mistake, although I am quite sure. Anyway,
can you re-take my measurements? I want the suit to look perfect on
me. Hasn't this ever happened to you? I am sure you feel satisfied
when your cleints are happy with what they buy.
•
SHOP ASSISTANT: Ok, I'll re-take your measurements. However, the dressmaker
won't be coming until the end of the week. Also, I will have to re-charge
you for the repairs.
•
CLIENT: I don't mind waiting, as I mentioned before the most important
thing for me is that the suit looks good. However, I am not very happy
with the fact that I am going to have to pay again. I am not asking
for a different repair, just to fix the original one.
•
SHOP ASSISTANT: Of course, with clients like you! Listen, these are
the rules. The shop is full and I need to attend to other clients.
•
CLIENT: I'm really sorry that we have got to this uncomfortable situation.
I think there is an easy solution to this. You take my measurements,
and I will talk to the manager and try solve the payment issue. That
way, you can continue with your job.
•
SHOP ASSISTANT: Ok, sorry, I'm a bit nervous with so much work. Let
me take your measurements and this afternoon I'll speak to my boss
about the question of the money.
If
the client had not insisted in his interests, he would probably have
walked out of the shop without trying the suit on. He does not blame
the shop assistant and he does not offend her.
Now
lets see a situation when an employee (Luis), who works in the kitchen
of a restaurant, wants to criticize his colleague (Pedro):
•
LUIS: Pedro, I'd like to speak to you for a moment.
•
PEDRO: Ok, but quickly as there's lot of work to be done!
•
LUIS: That is exactly what I wanted to talk to you about; you see
for a while now I've been thinking that we should try and organize
ourselves better, so that the night shift, which is my shift, is not
so full of work.
•
PEDRO: What are you saying, that you work more than me?
•
LUIS: Of course not! I haven't asked you to work more. I want to tell
you about the cleaning of the kitchen. You see, lately I have noticed
that when we come into do the night shift, the kitchen is not entirely
clean, for example, there's rubbish left around, you don't throw away
the bottles or tins and they take up a lot of space, therefore, we
have to throw them away; and often some pots and pans aren't clean
and we have to clean them before we start cooking, and this slows
us down a lot.
•
PEDRO: Excuse me but I do my job the best I can; besides, as you already
know you have to re-clean everything at night, therefore if something
is left then there shouldn't be a problem.
•
LUIS: Sorry, Pedro, I'm sure you do your job as well as you can. I
am only telling you about our needs. We need you to try and throw
all the rubish away, leave all of the pots and pans clean, to be able
to work better. What you said about having to clean everything again,
I just want to remind you about what the owner of the restaurant asked
us - to leave the kitchen neat and tidy between the lunch and dinner
shift.
•
PEDRO: Oh my god, I've had enough of this, now your lecturing me!
•
LUIS: (Without raising his tone of voice) Pedro, I think you are misunderstanding
me; I am not lecturing you; I am talking with a work colleague about
something that makes me uncomfortable and all I want to do is find
a solution. I am talking to you because I think that you are the type
of person that I can talk to.
•
PEDRO: It's just that the helper that helps out at lunch time is really
slow, and often he finishes his shift without having cleaned everything.
I am not prepared to stay longer and do other people's work.
•
LUIS: Have you tried speaking to him?
•
PEDRO: No, not really.
•
LUIS: You could tell him; tell him that he can't go until the kitchen
has been tidied up and cleaned and the rubbish thrown away; that way
he'll probably work a little faster.
•
PEDRO: Ok, I'll try .
•
LUIS: I would really appreciate it. You'll see how the boy will start
finishing on time; you're not really asking him to make a big change.
For us it could be great. Thanks very much, and as I thought I can
always talk to you.
Luis
has shown Pedro what he wants without any personal references. He emphasizes
the negative consequences that are felt by the night shift when the
day shift don't do their job properly. He didn't loose emotional control
when Pedro started to get angry; he concentrated on the problem at hand.
What is more important, he found a possible solution.
