Self-esteem
for parents
As parents
we are the role models. Our children will think of us, when they make
their first decisions on how they want to be and how they are going
to act in life.
We are
also our children’s first sources of information on what they
are worth and how important they are. We tell them what is good and
what is bad and we tell them what they can and can not be or do. Our
children will learn how to act and react from how we are and how we
act from childhood and even before they were born.
As parents,
we can start to ask ourselves: “Do we want our children to be
happier, more successful, healthier and have more satisfactory relationships
than the ones we have?” Yes, of course we do and we want the
best for our children. Therefore, you should try and look inside yourself
for the sources of this healthy, positive, effective and motivating
parenting that we want to transmit to our children.
You should
learn to express your feelings and emotions, instead of trapping your
feelings of frustration and resentment. You shouldn’t have to
reject or control your emotional states whatever they may be. You
should be able to accept them and give them space so that they are
integrated and modified in a natural process.
The road
to self-growth is simple, but it is not easy; it is a job without
limits. It is a task for the whole life, but the results are worth
the effort that you dedicate. It is possible that for every two steps
forward we go one step back, even if we don’t want to. We have
to realise that we should try not to overwhelm ourselves as this won’t
help us. It is a lot more effective if you appreciate your advances,
despite possible emotional relapses or negative actions and reaction
and in the unexpected contexts.
To be
able to bring up your child with some determined positive attitudes
towards themselves, others and towards life in general, the parents
have to motivate them to recognize and activate these attitudes in
themselves.
The first
thing we have to do is ask ourselves: “Can I help my child develop
his education and personality so that I can be an important factor
in his life? What can I Do? Can I help him?”
We should
have a declaration of trust in ourselves and in our children and generate
commitment which involves action.
We have
to modify our own behaviour and the relationships we have with our
family and others. As Waldo Emerson claims, our behaviour makes so
much noise that it doesn’t allow us to listen to the words that
accompany it.
Development
of parents self-esteem through personal jobs
- Break
rules
Give
yourself permission to break traditional rules with yourselves and
others; we all have the possibility to improve our way of living
and our relationships with others. Direct your life towards more
satisfactory changes and targets.
- We are
changing
I am
not today what I was yesterday, and I’m not at 5 in the afternoon
what I was at 4, the experiences in between have modified me. You
need to bear in mind the effects of daily changes, our attitudes,
relationships, behaviour and coexistence. Get to know yourself.
Assume your own responsibilities; convince yourself that you can
be effective and competent managers of your life. If you are open
to change you automatically create the opportunity for your children
to act themselves and be responsible of their own lives.
- Survival
mechanisms
Protection
and defence destined to avoid or reduce the difficulties caused
by our environment. However, we should look after and learn to manage
our basic non satisfactory survival mechanisms like rebelliousness,
feeling the victim, adulation, forced effects to please others,
complaining, being quiet, crying, not crying, acting like a man
– not letting your emotions show and showing signs of weakness,
fear, resentment or shouting to intimidate others.
- Love
yourself
The majority
of people love themselves and appreciate themselves, but if people
ask you for concrete reasons as to why you appreciate or love yourself,
most people find it difficult to answer. We have been taught to
combat pride and arrogance and therefore we don’t praise ourselves.
The goal is to neutralize and deactivate the conditions that people
demand from us. Find modesty, recognise and develop our own identity
and the divine essence that we imagine.
- Accept
yourself
Accept
yourself how you are, with honesty and without the sense of blame,
embarrassment, the feeling of being insufficient, false pride, arrogance
or frustration. Accept yourself, it is necessary to know yourself,
look at the past and the present and try to invent a more satisfactory
future. We often do things and we have emotions that, we consciously
consider without sense. We react with anxiety or discomfort, we
are unhappy with ourselves and with the way we act and think. Our
“interior child” reacts and rebels against the adult
perspective that wants to grow and develop. If we want to appreciate
our worth and importance, we have to try to appreciate what already
exists. However, when it is our turn to act we find ourselves blocked
by our own previous survival mechanism. That is why there are people
that are very effective at work but are completely negative with
family relationships, where their attitudes are completely different.
- Creative
thinking
Positive
thinking, recognising opportunities to create contexts to escape
from our limitations and conditions. If I think I can’t do
it, my creative thought which looks for solutions, creation of voluntary
formulas will not only not activate, but it will not show either.
In its place there will be a creative feeling with a negative character,
which is what convinces me that I can not and continues in the same
unsatisfactory space in which I found myself. We are not used to
considering ourselves as the cause of our life, a factor that stops
us using all the energy when carrying out what we want to achieve.
We begin to think why and how. We consider pros and cons, we are
plagued with doubts and we end up not trying and not achieving anything.
- Interpreting
the present based on the past
This
highlights the importance of living the here and now, and not remaining
in the past or being anxious of the future. We are influenced but
not conditioned by the past. We submerge ourselves in the memories
of the past or in the dreams of the future, we enjoy and wear out
the happiness of the moment. We can try and reinterpret the past
by building roots for the future. Make a reinterpretation of the
past from our actual situation. In stead of ignoring it by blocking
out any unpleasant moments helps us to deactivate from our current
perspective the possible negative events of the past. Reconstructing
our past helps to motivate us create a present or future how we
like, instead of trailing behind a reality that doesn’t satisfy
or motivate us.
- Assuming
our own personality
Being
responsible of our own lives, of our own actions, interpretations,
reactions and attitudes. Our first responsibility is to clarify
what our values are, which ones we can use and which are obstacles.
Make a balance, from there start closing previous processes. This
is one of the basic actions in our self-growth. Don’t let
bygones be bygones but get clarity of your bank accounts, debts
and bills. Re-evaluate things: I am a self-realizing human being
and I realise that everything is worth more when I place it in a
positive context.
