Components
of self-esteem
The components
that give our children a sense of self-esteem are:
security, self-concept, the feeling of belonging, motivation and competence.
Security
Feeling
secure helps a person’s self-esteem. It helps motivate. It derives
from the recognition of success, freedom, appreciation, self-concept
and being accepted.
A child
should experience an environment of love, acceptance and understanding
as soon as he is born. This allows the child to follow his natural
development impulses and gives him security based on his own experiences
and on his parent’s reinforcement.
When a
child doesn’t feel sufficiently accepted, understood or loved,
his development process will be repressed, not only his physical development
but also his mental development. The confidence he has in himself
will be deeply affected.
A child
needs some clear behavioural rules, so that he knows what is expected
of him as part of the family. He needs to know the basic rules of
coexistence which apply to all of the family.
Giving
contradictory messages can take away a child’s confidence and
ability to act naturally. The parents have to agree on the family
rules and inform their children the rules and let them know what is
expected of them.
The child
needs to be able to trust his parents and not be subject to abrupt
mood swings or changing attitudes within the family. The child needs
the security of knowing what he can and can’t do, with the aim
of developing his sense of responsibility.
1.A. Characteristics
of an insecure child
He
feels very timid
He finds it difficult to separate from people or situations that
protect him.
He is a nervous character: he bites his nails, sucks his thumb,
plays with his hair, trembles and cries.
Stress means he wets the beds, he suffers stomach and head aches,
he sweats a lot, he has skin irritations and he is generally a nervous
person.
He resents authority because of the abuse he has suffered. He plays
up to the fact that he was a “victim” and this makes
him feel relieved: he is not responsible, it is the environment
or others.
He is disorientated, he doesn’t know what is expected of him,
and he is confused.
He believes there isn’t any justice towards him and everything
that he does.
He tries not to experience new things, as in the past he has been
punished for all the decisions he made. Therefore, he decides not
to do anything as he doesn’t want to be punished.
He finds it difficult to accept change. Change makes him nervous
and frightened.
He finds it difficult to maintain eye contact with others or to
have physical contact with others. Doing these things remind him
of the fear that he suffered when he looked at his parents. He is
not used to receiving hugs or affection.
He rejects the orders that people give him because he recognises
the risk or effort which he considers excessive.
He doesn’t accept the concept of delayed gratification as
this makes him loose confidence in his ability to succeed.
