Lesson 21º

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Characteristics of a secure child

He usually:

Feels open to change.

Feels comfortable with receiving physical contact from the people he loves.

Feels comfortable taking risks and looking for alternatives.

Doesn’t have problems when couples split up, as long as it is explained to him and he realises the reasons for the separation.

Has a trusting relationship with people he knows.

Accepts assessment and evaluations that he receives. He speaks openly about his difficulties, always thinking about a solution.

Forgives unfairness looking for the solution or a way to repair the consequences.

Is open to mutual and respectful interaction with others.

Is aware of what is expected from him, and if not, tries to find out.

Possible ways to improve a child’s sense of security

Revise the house and school rules which don’t seem adequate. The rules should be clear and discussed with the child so that he feels they are fair. Determine new rules which give the child access to acting freely in situations without reprimand.

Create contexts in which the child enhances his self-esteem and security. Give him the opportunity to show his creativity and show him that people rely on him and that he is capable of facing and resolving situations, conflicts and problems with the means and resources he has.

Propose reference models that allow him to feel happy about himself. Don’t compare him to others as this will make him feel as though he is not worth a lot. Show him reference models with the intention of learning new ways of acting.

Show him you have faith and confidence in him.

Make the child understand and accept that you can learn from mistakes.

Immediate acknowledgement if the child does something positive that we have asked him to do.

When you praise your child for something, you need to make it very clear that your appreciation for his behaviour is not the reason for your affection. You love him for what he is and not for what he does, although this does reinforce your affection.

Stimulate the child so that he makes ambitious but possible plans. Plans that he visualises as if they were a dream but without expectations, without the need to fulfil them, because if he thinks he has to fulfil them this could produce frustration. Motivate him to act from the perspective that he can and that if he doesn’t achieve it, it doesn’t matter. He will always learn from his new ambitions.

Make the child from a young age realise the importance of being and acting yourself.

Highlight and accept as a positive thing, we are all in a world of constant change, whether we like it or not. Everyone can modify the quality of their changes and the rhythm of their own life.