Ways
to develop your children's self-esteem
Parents
have to learn not to condition their affection for their children.
The way the parents act is part of the child’s education and
growth process and mutual love should not interfere.
If the
children perceive unconditional love, they will feel secure and loose
the feeling of anxiety caused by the fear of not being sufficiently
valued. This allows them to behave with the belief that whatever happens,
they will be loved and appreciated as always.
Take time
to listen to your children. It is important to try and understand
what they want to say with their verbal and non verbal language without
the interference of distrust or pre-concepts.
Make the
child know what he is worth and give him constant reinforcement to
enhance his self-esteem and confidence in himself. The best way to
do this is by using specific actions.
Make the
child recognize from the results that he has achieved, what his skills
are and convince him that he can, he knows, he is capable and he is
worth a lot.
Take advantage
of all opportunities to underline that the child is under constant
development. He is on the route he has chosen and he can modify his
route if he wants.
Remind
him of important dates like birthdays and anniversaries of events
that are important for him. Make a note of when he advances, something
he says and don’t let good actions go unseen.
Organize
a diary for your children so that your can dedicate each child a few
extra minutes a week the more the better.
Make the
child reflect on himself, his characteristics and his possibilities
as a person. It is very important to be free of fear to look for your
identity and know yourself well. Clarity on who you are, is the most
efficient.
Don’t
label your child. Instead of <<good, silly, clever, intelligent,
useless>> you need to get used to describing his behaviour.
“He is a child acting badly”. Behaviour can be judged,
corrected and it helps us learn.
Use praise
with as much details as possible and focus the praise on positive
and constructive remarks.
Listen
carefully, asking for clarification, paraphrasing. Always be emphatic.
Don’t
tell the child specifically what he should do unless he asks you.
Try to get him to discover the possible solutions to any problem.
Accept
what the child thinks without telling him how to do it. Strike up
conversation to allow him to decide his future actions, using his
own confidence.
Show sympathy
with phrases like <<I realise you must feel very frustrated>>,
<<I bet you’re thinking nobody is interested? >>
These phrases help the child to feel that he is listened to and understood.
They also validate his feelings and emotions.
Teach the
child words that symbolize his feelings so that he finds it easier
to express himself.
Play games
with the child, execute jobs and in general, get him to make the decisions
about how you spend your time together.
