Sense
of personal competence
You need
to feel that you are sufficiently prepared and ready to face up to
any situation that presents itself. You need to feel that although
you don’t know all of the answers you can look for them and
find them. This gives you the “feeling of power” which
you get from your own knowledge and positive experiences.
A child
acquires this sense of power when he learns to resolve for himself
a certain number of problems and conflicts that present themselves.
This is the consequence of making decisions which lead him to satisfactory
results. He finds out where to find the resources that he needs, he
learns how to use them, how to find out the relevant information and
how to make good use of it.
You need
to be careful that you don’t over protect your children in conflictive
situations. You need to encourage them to face up to risks and overcome
them on their own. It is important that children become independent
as soon as possible.
An unfortunate
route to take is one when the parent doesn’t worry about their
child or the parent doesn’t pay any attention to their child
and thus he abandons his own initiative; on the contrary, there are
parents that overprotect their children, without making them feel
the necessary affection, moral support, recognition and feedback that
allows them to confront possible mistakes which form part of the learning
curve instead of considering them failures.
Many children,
the weakest, give up and loose interest. Others, the most equipped,
manage to motivate themselves, although they develop a survival system
which means they separate from others and reject other people’s
collaboration and support.
A third
route, equally as negative, is setting your children overwhelming
tasks. Often parents that have these demands aren’t even available
to help their children to fulfil these objectives.
There is
a route that allows the development of a child’s competence,
security, motivation and self concept. There are also various routes
for the parents to help their children with this route. One of these
routes is to encourage your child making him see that he is capable
of learning and acting in the correct way in different situations.
Always make sure that you support him, give him feedback and encouragement.
This way,
the child will feel capable and independent but he will know that
if he asks his parents for help, they are available to help him at
any time he asks.
Learning
to ask is another factor to consider. You need to know how to say
no, if we think this is the best for the child. If it is necessary,
you need to say no openly and give specific reasons with a dialogue
so that he understands. Doing this the child checks the support and
confidence that his parents have in him and in his capacities.
Once the
child has finished the task, it is important to check that he has
been done well and recognize the effort, intention and skills shown;
there is always a detail which he can concentrate on to make his effort
more effective.
As a result
the child will feel proud of the job that he has done. He will recognize
the value of finishing a task. This in turn will cause:
A more
positive self-concept.
The child
to make new objectives as he realises that he is able to face up and
solve problems.
The capacity
to recognize and use the means and resources at hand in a more effective
way.
Prove that
he has the moral support and confidence of his parents when he needs
it.
The child
to be more certain of himself, feel more secure not only as a person
but also as a member of the group.
The development
of his sense of personal competence. He will feel motivated to re-start
the process every day, without fearing failure. As he has been capable
of resolving a problem, failing on the second occasion doesn’t
seem so threatening for his self-concept and less still on successive
occasions.